Almost at my wit's end.

So. Its 9:45 pm MST. I woke up at 10:00 today, began job searching around 10:15 am (as soon as i had my first up of coffee in my hands). I've been at it for 12 1/2 hours (sans food and bathroom breaks). I am seriously about to go crazy. Today, I talked to one dude who tried to convince me to become a realtor (have an appointment with him at 1 on Monday to discuss it further) and one phone interview date with Kaplan on Friday.

This is basically how every day goes, sans the ones where I am hanging out with Mike (but the nagging feeling of not being alright is always in the back of my mind).

I have so many plans, and such a strong desire to move on with my life, but I can't. I really don't want to move back to Pittsburgh (as much as I love the place), but the 31st is still my deadline and that's one week to go, between now and then (at which time i will buy a plane ticket). I really don't want to leave.

I can't handle the feeling of not having a hold on my life. I know i've been a really irresponsible person in the past, but I was always able to support myself. I want to go back to school, i want to have my own apartment, i want to have a cat again. I want to have a plan. I want to stop worrying. I haven't slept well in months, I haven't enjoyed food in a very long time, and all i do is worry. I live in a gorgeous place and I can't even really see everything for what it is because of this fog of worry constantly hanging over my head. I'm afraid that if this sticks around much longer, i'm going to become terrified of everything. Constantly worrying about taking risks.

Sure, moving to Colorado was definitely the stupidest thing i've ever done. But I don't understand why I can't make anything work when I am trying so hard to actually make "it" (being life, happiness, etc) happen.

I could really use all of the advice, prayers and positive energy any of you might be able to spare. I really want to get my life back together. So i can stop complaining about it so much and use my energy for better things. Like saving Africa.

Why can't baby koalas and their perpetual cuteness be the thing that occupies my mind the most?